So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
