Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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