One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
