six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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