its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That accounts for only three of the penises
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
