Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
