Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
