accomplished twins. life is a go
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize