why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
