fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you mean i was at the winter classic?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize