Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
