I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
