dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize