I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize