Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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