My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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