If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
