I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
