I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
no you cant smoke seaweed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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