I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
