Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
