how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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