i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
