i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
