ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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