I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
