alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
