true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
