i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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