Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
