well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize