she woke up with a sticky ear
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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