the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
