So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
