brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
