Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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