youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
