dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
