i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize