At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
