I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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