I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
