Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
