Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
