Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
