You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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