I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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