I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
