I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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