I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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