We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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