Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize