Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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