i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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