you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sober January is a disaster.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
