You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
