Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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