So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My dick has a subreddit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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