so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
