Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
