Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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