That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
