sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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