Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
