We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
