My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you didnt know i had herpes?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
