her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
