You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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