i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize