i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
