I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
