Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
